Thursday 14 October 2010

Tilly Pitts Nasca Nightmare.




So after the news that 3 British tourists had died in a crash at the nasca Lines, the fact that we were travelling there one week later was never going to be great news for family back home.
Although it is strange that 3 British people dieing makes front page news in the UK but the 3 Peruvians that died in the same flight only made page 32 of the Sunday newspaper here.
So we got down to Ica where we were staying (see the previous blog) and we had an amazing day relaxing in the sun by the pool and then heading back to the beautiful oasis of Huacachina for drinks and food. After the Peruvian Police's attempts to turn this trip into another nightmare, the 30 degree temperature, sun, pool and desert oasis soon put all that behind us. Add to that the amazingly friendly staff at the Belle Sands Hotel and everything was back on track and we truely felt like we were on a summer holiday. We went to bed early, read for a while and then went to sleep for an early start to head down to the aforementioned Lines.
We had a quick breakfast and then headed back to the danger zone of the Peruvian roads. The journey down had been a chore due to PC Plod but this one was a different level of disaster thanks to the single carriageway, mountainous route and nowhere to bloody overtake lorries going at 30 miles per hour. It therefore took us 3 and a half hours to do a journey that should take about 2. Add to that the fact that we could not find the airport in Nasca (nothing is signposted in this country - not even speed bumps in the middle of major highways - yes you read that right speed bumps on roads that are an equivalent of the M1)and there was one very annoyed Mr Pitt sat in the front of the car.
We finally found the airport after Clare got out of the car to ask the poorest man in the world for directions. Not that these directions helped at all! Straight on and left was his answer to Clares much improved Spanish. We went straight and left and found ..........nothing. Clare then asked the second poorest person in the world the way - straight on and left he said. By this point we were not sure whether this was the answer to every question a tourist asks or whether they spoke a native Peruvian language and these were the only 2 words they knew in Spanish. Eventually straight on and RIGHT got us there. Well I say got us there- it got us to a place that was signposted airport, the fact that it looked like a field in the middle of a desert surrounded by a cobbled together wall would be a more accurate signpost. We looked at each other and it was clear that this is not a place that any kind of responsible parent would let their daughter go to. This is not the kind of place that any responsible adult would allow themselves to go to.
Imagine Heathrow airport built by people with no thumbs, no eyes, no co-ordination, no clue and no raw materials and you are still nowhere near what this place looks like. Needless to say - we turned around to go home again and stop off at the viewpoint in order to see the Worldfamous Lines from the safety of solid ground. But first we were all desperate for the toilet (well obviously Tilly wasnt but it was clear that she was desperate for a change by the smell that was now swirling around the hot and muggy car).
We looked for a place that would look clean enough to have an acceptable toilet and we kept looking and we kept looking; we passed 5 restaurants, 10 more restaurants, 53 more restauarnts and still each one looked like 4 sheets of cardboard held together by a plastic sheet thrown over the top. The food would have led to Peruivan Belly case number 6 for me and the toilets would not even be worth imagining. Finally we found a decent enough looking toilet at an Internationally recognised petrol station (safe enough surely).
On entrance to the toliet the smell was tangible, the number of flies made the room look dark even in the middle of the day and the walls, although brown in appearance had clearly once been painted white. The urinal was just about descernable at the back of the room as I clawed through the fly entrance curtain. I was desperate and there was no turning back now. As I was completing my much needed bodily function, I peered to the right and had I not already started my necessary deed, I would have run away as fast as I could.
In Peru, in the poorer areas, you are not meant to put toilet paper into the toilet but rather into the bin at the side of the toilet bowl. This bin is then emptied daily or hourly in the more up-market toiletries. However, This particular W.C. did not seem to think that daily emptying was needed, it also did not think that weekly empties were needed but rather a yearly waste collection would suffice. This had been the most sanitary appearing washroom in the whole of Nasca and now I was looking into a cubicle that resembled what Andy Dufrain has to crawl through at the end of Shawshank Redemption (apologies not for the graphic comments ((as I could never be graphic enough to re-produce this scene))but for the spoiler!). In England this place would have been shut down years ago, it would have had toxic health warnings - In Peru, it is the best of a bad bunch! After this unpleasant stop-off, what else could we do but go next door for chips!
Tilly was again centre of attention in the road side diner and yet another waitress went to pick up Tilly without asking. We could not really stop her as Tilly was alofted into the air before our eyes and the only saving grace was that she did ask before handing Tilly around the rest of the staff. The male manager seemed particularly taken by our smiling daughter as the waitresses took pictures of him holder this strange smiling giggling white baby.
Then came our trip to the viewpoint. I will have to stop calling it a viewpoint from this moment onwards as their is no VIEW and honestly no POINT to walking up the hill. You cannot see anything, you cannot make out what the lines are meant to be, you cannot see a monkey or humming bird or anything else the guidebook claims would be visble. You simply see a couple of big lines in what looks like the same desert you have been seeing for the last 6 hours of driving. The Nasca Lines may look spectacular from the air but you have to enter the airport of death first and other that this, the town is dirty, packed and poorly signposted and there is nowhere to eat or go to the loo.
Our journey home was the highlight of the Nasca trip as Ron's Rock VI blared out of the radio and 'We Built This City' could be heard echoing for miles around the baron desert wastelands of Peru.

The Pitts, policeman, pelicans and paracas


We finally made it to the end of the 10 week term and have been rewarded with 6 days off school. We kindly had a car lent to us by some friends from school and so headed off down south to search for sun.

The damp grey of Lima had soaked through to the marrow and we knew it would take a serious dose of sunning to get our bodies back to normal functioning speed.

We firstly however had to deal with my first experience of driving in this mad city. Lima, where the only rules of the road are that there are no rules. You can cut anybody up as long as you stick your hand out of the window, it seems that if you are female you are not allowed to drive without a phone attached to your ear, you are not allowed to check your wing mirrors - just go – and never ever think about checking your blind spot. On top of that, never use your indicators and in stead use your horn to let people know that you are about to veer into their lane, don’t worry about MOTs or emissions – as long as your car can go forward (however slowly) it is ok to drive and do not worry about how many men you have hanging out of the top of your lorry or out of the side of your bus – remember you can always fit more in there!

So with the rules of the road fully memorised we headed off. We started out at 5.30 in the morning to try and make the journey out of the city easier but the thing we forgot is that starting that early just makes you more obvious (especially with two very white people driving a car packed to the brim with Tilly’s stuff!). So we made it to an hour outside of Lima when the police called us over.

The police had set up a road block just outside the coastal resort of Asia and as far as we could tell – all they were there for was to make money! They pulled us over, saw we were tourists and then went through everything that they could possibly fine us for. We had our passports colour scanned, we had our driving licences, we had all the relevant car documents (thanks Jason), I had only had one beer the night before, we were driving well under the speed limit and so surely there was nothing they could fine us for – WRONG! Firstly they tried telling us that we only had a permit to drive in the city and we were outside of city limits (I pleaded ignorance and just spoke really quickly at him in English), he realised that this was a silly excuse and so rather than going for a more sensible way to fine us he said that we were to be fined for driving in the left hand land of a dual carriageway! I tried hard not to laugh, now knowing the police could make up any old excuse at all to fine you and so asked how much the fine was. Clare was conscious of me now communicating in Spanish when we were trying to plead ignorance and so gave me a quick poke in the ribs and the ignorance game continued. He pointed at a random fine in the booklet (400 dollars!!!!) even though the offence next to the fine did not match what he was saying we were now very clear that this was not an English type of pull over. We were not in control, there was no innocent until proven guilty and no ticket that we could then pay at the local police station. This man was like a Peruvian Judge Dredd – He was the law! I asked where we could pay the fine (knowing that tourists do not have to pay roadside offences as there is no way of tracking them down) he was well aware of this and said we had to pay now.
Whilst he was saying this, I snuck my wallet to Clare for her to remove as much money from it as possible (I think that is also what many husbands will say as their wives depart on yet another shopping trip!). But as we looked in, the smallest bill we had was a 100 soles (just over 30 dollars for those reading in England) and so this was going to have to be our bribe.
As I said, this was no English pull over and so bribery is always an option. I therefore slipped him the 100 under my licence. He looked at it, slipped it into his pocket and he handed back all of our documents. We were free to go.
The ignorance had not worked, Clare pleading “senor – bebita” had not worked, the fact that we had not done anything wrong had not worked and so money was the final option.
He then repeated my name another couple of times as if to scare me but actually I was just impressed the man could say Jonathan and then with a final reminder that we had to drive on the right hand side – we were off – free from the law and the seriously corrupt police that we had just passed. The only thing that made us feel better was that they were doing exactly the same to every car and I would imagine were earning more money than there pay packet gives them in a year.
Now I do not have a problem with people earning an honest living. There are millions of people in this country living in poverty, there are beggars, shoe shiners, sweet sellers, combi drivers, illegal DVD sellers, car parking men, watchy men, bodega owners, street performers, bag packers……. The list goes on and on. They are poor, poorer than an English person can even imagine (most ex-pats here just don’t think about it and just carry on enjoying their blissful, sheltered existence) but they all have one thing in common; THEY WORK HARD! This country thinks it is based on the rich people that live in their botoxed, bubble but it is actually supported by the poor people that work tirelessly and always with a smile on their faces and not due to plastic surgery gone wrong!. They are the real Peru, they are the foundations of what may eventually make this country powerful again but it could all be ruined by PC Pedro and his merry gang of thieves. The fact that tourists can get stopped and exploited will not exactly help the economy of this place. The tourist attractions I will rave about in this blog will not be enhanced by this behaviour and it will merely put people off coming here. It will make people think twice before they click on that Peruvian flight when they can go to the Niagra Falls, Uluru, Phuket for the same price and in the knowledge that they will not be exploited by crooked policemen.

Sorry- I feel that I have now ranted enough and am ready to continue with the Paracas tale (see the above blog)

Sunday 3 October 2010

Tilly Pitt and the Pizza Party



Just to keep people up to date with the adventures of Tilly Pitt in Peru - she is now gurgling mumbled nonsense regularly, putting anything and everything that she can grad straight into her mouth, grabbing random people's faces anytime they get too close and she is starting to eat food and what an eater she is! The All Great and Powerful Gina Ford warned that starting food could be a difficult job and finally she has been proven wrong. Tilly has taken to eating like her dad takes to ... well eating! She loves avacado, she loves peas, she loves carrots, she loves banana, she loves cabbage, she loves cauliflour- if it fits onto her incredibly colourful sppon then she is sure to open wide and let it in (Grandparents dont worry, although the blog is titled Tilly Pitt and the Pizza Party, it is just because of the photo - Not because we have started her on Pizza yet!)
Her swimming is also coming along nicely. She swam for 5 seconds yesterday. Well, when I say swam - Clare held her under teh water for 5 seconds. This ritual drowning then seems to be contragulated by the big 'gay'Peruvian swimming instructor. Now when I say gay - I mean big jovial and bubbly and in very much the old fashioned sense of the term. Even after a couple of months I have never seen this man stop singing, stop smiling or stop humming his version of childrens songs. He is the incredible smiling man and I am sure that he must get home and keep on singing to himself all day long.
This week also saw us venture to Bon Jovi but the excitement of that day will have to be saved for the next Blog!

Jonathan Pitt and the Incredibly Long Term


Phew! What a long and tiring term. 3 parents evenings in the last 3 weeks, a ten week term, 3 options evenings and multiple after school meetings on top all go to make me one officially knackered out teacher. The good news is that I still think that Tilly recognises me after I have hardly seen her over the past few weeks but then again I cant really tell as she just smiles at anyone and everyone anyway.
On their walk to the supermarket Tilly and Clare seem to have accumulated a group of random friends. The watchman on the corner is a regular (and he has to say hello as we pay him) but the others are a wonderful rag-tag group.
There is the old man at the bulding site who shouts at anyone making lude comments towards Clare, there is the lady with no teeth who takes a break from begging to shout out how 'Linda' (cute) Tilly is looking, there is the security guard from the fish restaurant that always stops to smile and talk to Tilly, there is the sweet store lady who runs over to say how smily Tilly is, there is the illegal DVD seller, the car parking man with the hunch back, the man who dresses like a woman and the Peruvian man that slurs his English as he asks us around for drinks becuase he has heard "English people love their beer". All these people get the same greeting - Tilly pulls off a huge smile and wiggles her legs incesantly. They love it and it all adds to the increasing group of people that stop Clare and Tilly on their travels around Lima.
The delay in writing the blog comes from the 3 month period without Internet and also the amount of work I am having to do in the Geography department. This week should see a turn around in the work (after I have finished my reports and coursework marking) and we finally have Internet thanks to the big dongle that we now have.
So chiao for now and hopefully the blogs will be back to becoming more regular again!

Thursday 19 August 2010

Tilly The Swimmer and Tilly the Traveller Part 2




Another long gap between posts but again, I think, a rather valid excuse. This time it has been lack of Internet (still!!!!) and organising past papers and 3 fieldtrips at work. Time has just slipped away but hopefully I still have all the memories of Rio imprinted firmly in my brain to include in the blog.
First however, I must mention the exciting news of Tilly's first swimming session. We went on a mission to find a pool that she could swim in and heard on the Peruvian grapevine (about as reliable as the Peruvian wine in produces) that there was one near school. We therefore headed straight over to look for the swimming pool. It was nowehere to be seen, there was no smell of chlorine nearby - a smell to which I am well atuned from my lifetime spent in or next to a pool - and there was no building with slides jutting out of the side or any sort of pebble dash or corrugated iron effect (as sported by many a British council pool). We were just about to give up when a securitry guard on a segway scooted past (I think that is the correct term for what you do on a segway) and I asked him where the pool was (of course not forgetting to add the International sign language movement for swimming as I spoke to him in my Spanglish). He seemed to understand and he told us where to go. Minutes later when we still had not found a building that looked anything like a pool, said segwayman came scooting back and took us straight to it. We stood outside and yet still we did not believe it was a pool.
It seems a theme in Peru that the more extravagant the building and the more posh the facilities, the more boring it should look from outside. On the way to school, when people pop out of their securitry fences to get the paper or the bread delivery you can see into their little gated world and witness the wonders of within. The more dull the outside, the more their wonderous world tends to impress. And so this gave us some hope for the pool. The outside looked like 2 up, 2 down house and Clare, I looked at each other wondering how a pool would fit into a terraced house (I am sure some tax dodging British person has tried to put one in their living room though).
We walked in and soon found that the place was like Doctor Who's tardis, it expanded backwards and became huge as you wlaked in. Not only was there a pool, there was 2! and for the first time in 4 months, there was actually a warm room in Lima. This boded well for the pool being warm too and one finger strategically placed in the water told us that it was soon to be swim time for Tilly.
We bathing suited her up, bought a rediculously expensive swimming cap (it was the opposite of British bars "If you dont have a cap, you're not getting in!") for her and then Clare and Tilly got in. Tilly loved it, Clare loved it and the camp Peruivan instructor seemed to love evrything in the whole world. I have never seen a 40 year old man sing and smile as much as this man. He is a human baby song hummer and he can sing a Spanish nuresery rhyme more camply than any other man alive! Stil, Tilly likes him, she smiles and because of that we are able to get her head under the water and build her confidence. There was another baby boy in the pool with Tilly who was swimming under the water and doing great and Clare had to hold back my competitive streak from trying to compete with him. "He's 11 months old!" Clare had to tell me, as I was wanting to beat him and show what Tilly could do. So I think it may have been for the best that Tilly's first session was with her mum and that steady progress was trhe order of the day rather than the dunking session I would have possible dealt out (it may have stopped the camp singing though).

Now back to Rio for the second Part of Tilly The Traveller:
Day two started well. We went down to the buffet breakfast with mouths watering at the prospect of bacon, waffles, eggs, cheeses galore and a selection of meat that would make dewhursts proud. But then as we went to walk into the restaurant one of the Sheraton Nazi Clone workers asked us which room number we were. 1009, I replied. “I am sorry Sir, you are not on the list!” You could see a smile emerge on her face as she was also thinking – if you are not on the list, you are not coming in!. Clare and I looked at each other and knew there was a mistake “I know I have paid for the breakfast” I said. She paused. How can he be this confident if he is not wearing a suit? You could see she was thinking. “are you with Taca airlines the lady asked”. “Yes we are!” was Clare’s swift response and before you could say Eggs Benedict we were sat in a table eating the Breakfast of The Gods.
On returning to our room, we soon saw that our reservation did not include breakfast (an oversight on my behalf after the Despegar debacle of two weeks previous). So we were no longer set to enjoy the breakfast of the Gods, we were back to normal riff-raff but without breakfast. We were below riff-raff, we were outcasts from breakfast time, forced to wonder the streets in search of food and coffee. However I will take this opportunity to thank Taca airlines for inadvertently covering the cost of our 50 dollar breakfast and I hope that nobody from the airline reads my blog and realizes the mistake!
We did however have our day mapped out. We were going to go to the statue of Christ and we were then going to return and use the pool and relax in the sun reading our hugely educational books (Lee Child and Michael Connolly).
We went to the desk to ask how much the trip to Jesus was. $100 dollars plus the cost of the tram (another $80). On that news, we went to the in hotel travel agent to see how much their trip was – another 200 dollar trip. OK then we decided to break Roughguide Rule number one again and take the bus (5 dollars for all 3 of us). This time we made sure we travelled in Tilly’s awake time and allowed the Little Miss Tilly to actually get some sleep in the daytime. This therefore meant a hugely delayed start but no more screaming and no looks of condemnation from the locals or Jesus! We got to the base of Jesus’s mound at about 3.00 after much bus delay and the walk to Copacabana beach. Great, we will have time to get up, get back and then go and sit by the pool.
But then a coach arrived full of tourists, then another and then another. Each coach emptied its loads of suit wearing business men from every nation of the world. It looked as though the United Nations was having a convention on top of Jesus’s mound. From the experience at the Sheraton, we knew the situation was hopeless. People in suits are Kings in Rio and us wearing our tatty clothes (following the rough guides rules of not looking rich) therefore had no chance! We looked like poor people and were duely treated as such when we were told that there would be a 2 hour wait for a tram up to Jesus. We had again been trumped by the men in suits and a 2 hour wait was our only hope. How would we kill 2 hours. By breaking Roughguide rule number 3 is how – go for a walk! We walked around the streets of Concovado fitting in with our tatty clothes and with Tilly there to keep us safe. Again we were looked at by dubious looking youths but mainly just to see our baby in a babycar and for them to comment on how cute (Lindo) she looks.
Not knowing where we were heading, we saw a little café that sold beers for 3 reals (a dollar) and headed straight for it. 2 beers please! Then another 2 and then another 2 please. I was not sure what Clare was going to have, but I was sorted. I am sure Jesus would approve when we see him later! We also found that this place was a hidden gem of a restaurant and they made the best Fillet Mignon sandwiches ever known to man! So rather than being mugged and robbed by breaking rule 3, we were fed, beered up and all ready to meet Christ.
Now if you have seen the statue on TV, been her in person or even just seen our photos on Fickr, it is clear that this is a sight worth seeing. The statue is impressive in itself as it soars mejestically above the vast city below but the views of the city itself are what make this trip exceptional. Trip to Rio (a lot of dollars), tram ride to the top (40 dollars), view from the top at sunset - priceless.
The sheer number of tourist could not spoil the view and the experience, the half hour wait for a tram back down could not spoil it and even Tilly crying like an air raid siren on our way back down on the tram could even not spoil the day.

I would recommend the experience to anyone and it meant that day 2 ended with excitement, looking forward to the trip to Sugar Loaf mountain the next day.

Oh, one final point - on the bus ride home Clare turned to me and said "was that a dead person?". Not being used to being asked this kind of question I just looked at her a bit confused and tried to see what she had witnessed out of the window but could not see anything. "I think it was," she said, "It was a body lying on the road with a sheet over it and with only the legs sticking out" she then continued by saying. The experience was at the same time as the camera exchange men were sat in front of us and gave us a very clear idea of the realities that lie very close to the surface in this city. The gunshots from the shanty town near our hotel then added to the enlightenment and gave us a nice chorus to which we fell softly to sleep ...... and then bolted upright and awake again at the next gun shot!

adios

Thursday 29 July 2010

Tilly (Machilda) Pitt in Rio: Part One



The evening flight to Rio meant that we had a day of killing time and trying to find somewhere that would change dollars into Argentinian Pesos (we soon found nowhere would). Clare had been spening days getting everything packed to perfection and realising that packing for a baby is a bloody hard job to do. Bottles- check, nappies- check, travel cot- check, dummy for the flight- check, water for formula milk- check, more bloody expensive formula milk- check....... the list goes on and on. Then she also packed for me (shirts- check, jeans- check, pants - check, socks- check, all done).and we were ready to go. A Taxi was flagged down outside our house, fair was agreed in my slowly improving Spanish and off we went in the normal Peruvian style (horn blaring, lane switching and at break neck speed). The flight was easy enough, Tilly slept when she could and, unlike British Airports, common sense prevails. We were given an extra seat for Tilly to sleep on, we were allowed to bring our own water onto the plane to make up the milk (rather than having to pre-book milk with Boots and taste any water to prove that it is not a chemicl bomb ingedient ((although surely a suicide bomber would happily drink chemicals to get them on the plane!!))and we also were put into a priority line for check-in making everything easier for everyone (especially a very stressed out dad). Normally, I am an image of calmness for travelling. I do not get rattled by the process, I am calm and know that getting stressed out (like most people at airports) does no good for anyone. However, now I have an extra little one to think about - I was the exact opposite. I became one of those stressed out travellers (I even made a woman from Taca airlines cry in Rio by shouting at her!). I do not know what has happened to me. I have turned into a typical middle aged British Traveller - may even start wearing comfy trousers to travel in soon and start wearing those socks to stop your veins popping mid-flight. I think it is one step away from ordering those sunglasses in the Sunday Mirror - The ones that fit over your normal glasses. Who knows, next week I may be ordering the plates with pictures of the queen on them to display on the walls of our house (I apologise to Peruvian readers who will have no idea what I am talking about at this point).
So we got to Rio having read the guide book from cover to cover over the course of the flight. There would surely be nothing about Rio that we would not know (including the 20 page section on how dangerous it is and how you are most likely to get mugged and robbed- NICE!). So after reading the book, Clare had joined me in a state of worry and stress and the holiday was off to a lovely relaxed start. Landing at the airport we were instantly scanning the building for people likely to mug us. We whispered to each other when people looked dodgy and acted like sectret agents trying to avoid being followed by slowing our walking speed, pretending to read our books and pointing at things in the distance to pretend we weren't pointing out a strange looking character. The Rio episode of Ross Kemp on gangs soon came flooding back into our memories and suddenly the city of our dreams was becoming a slightly different reality. However, we we quickly began breaking the Rules of the Roughguide as saving money seemed more sensible that keeping safe!?! Roughguide Rule number one - Use taxis as buses can be dangerous. So of course we heard the taxi quote and got straight into the queue for the bus. 40 minutres later and we were in Ipanema (1 hour and 30 minutes after that we were back in Ipanema and on a different bus as the first one did not go to the part of Ipanema we needed and instead took a detour through Rochina). Now anybody reading this that I taught Geography to should have heard of Rochina. It is the world's largest Shanty Town. 200,000 people packed tighly onto the hills of the mountains and home to two of the most dangerous gangs in Rio (and therefore the world). We however took our 4 month old daughter on a bus through it but came out safe and able to tell the tale. It seems that the key to the robbers and muggers is that they go for anyone looking lost, looking rich and not in a family group. Roughguide Rule number 2 - do not look wealthy. Therefore Clare did not wear her engagement ring and we did not take any clothes that had labels or names on them but none of this was the main reason we were safe. The main reason was Miss Tilly herself. 2 mean looking men got onto one bus and looked a little angry that we were blocking the back seats. You could see their heads thinking 'how can we look extra mean if we are not on the back seats'. But then they saw Tilly in her pushchair (or baby car as the Brazilians called it) and they both smiled. I felt the stress level subside slightly and I began to not think about the $1000 camera that I had in my bag. I needn't have worried too long as the men proceeded to show each other even more expensive cameras that they had clearly swiped off tourists over the course of the day. But rather than ask for ours, they instead smiled at Tilly and even helped us off the bus at our stop. Tilly to the Rescue.
The first bus journey eventually got us to our hotel and what a hotel it was. It had its own beach, 3 swimming pools, a view overlooking Leblon and Ipanema beaches and staff that were hugely helpful any time day and night. Oh, I should have added that they were hugely helpful any time day or night as long as you were wearing a suit!!! This hotel was amazing but the staff were so preoccupied with the people with huge money that the regular people were treated like scum on the bottom of their PRADA shoes. I may be exagerating slightly but when they saw that our room was not a Junior suite and only had 2 queen sized beds, they instantly knew that we were to be considered general riff-raff.
Despite having travelled all night. We knew we had to make the most of our first day so we soon walked into Ipanema, sat next to the beach and had our first Coco Verde (Coconots that the servers slice open for you and stick a straw in). I felt my stresses of end of term, airports and gangbang attacks start to subdue for the first time as we looked our over the clear blue Atlantic Ocean and felt the sun's rays hit our overly white bodies. It felt like we had never seen sun before as Clare had come straight from an English winter to the ever fogged up Lima. Rio's 26 degree winter was a million miles from the gloom of Peru's capital.
After this, we followed the Rough Guide's advice and got a taxi to Santa Teresa to ride the ancient tram system into the centre of the city. The tram was incredible, the views were amazing but then Tilly decided she didn't like it and started to scream and then scream and scream and scream and scream some more. The stress levels went up again, people were looking and there was nothing we could do. We were stuck on a tram now running through a dodgy part of Rio and we could not get off for another 10 minutes when we were due to reach the centre. It felt as though the eyes of Rio were all looking at us. You could hear tutts of dissaproval from everywhere. Who would bring a baby on a tram? we presumed they were saying in Portugese. I could have sworn at one point the statue of Christ himself even changed position to look down on us and tutt. But still she screamed. She had not slept properly and we were now paying the consequences. We could see the end, the station, the platform, safety. We prayed for it to come closer but we had to stop for another tram going the other way. NOOOOOOO! Still Tilly screamed and everyone looked away from the strange white people with the little baby. Finally the tram rolled to a stop and so did Tilly's crying. She had just been testing us. She was now fine, happy and laughing at her friends in the cot (the bright coloured toys that she seems to like more that her mum and dad!). But the best news was that it was over. Looking at the photos now, the tram ride and the views were amazing but during the trip all we could think about was getting off and getting Tilly calm.
We also had the added stress of just how much the taxi had been to get there (The Rough Guide said taxis were cheap but clearly the RoughGuide author was a very wealthy person) and so Rule number one was quickly thrown out of the window and buses were the new order of the day. Why pay 40 dollars when 3 dollars will do? and so we got a bus (all the buses also had disabled access so no more getting tilly out of her babycar and more importantly, no more screaming!!!!).
The bus was great, Tilly kept us safe and everybody we met was helpful, friendly and loved Miss Tilly. People smiled as we got on, men stopped to help us onto the bus, people picked up things we dropped as we struggled with the babycar and the people of Rio, rather than being violent and dangerous shone through as kind and thoughful folk.
We put Tilly to bed early that night to avoid a repetition of any crying outbursts and we read our books to help bring our first day to a nice relaxing close.

Wednesday 28 July 2010

Tilly The Traveller




Firstly, I must apologise for how long it has been since my last blog entry. Three weeks of illness and then end of term Markham Madness led to no chance to write anything. Add to that the fact that the Internet at home stopped working, along with the laptop, my ipod and the XBOX and it has all been a bit of a technological nightmare. The ipode now sounds like a 1989 walkman complete with whirring tape effect and at times it even sounds like the tape is getting jammed. Only with an ipod you can't take out the tape and wind it back in with your finger - you are just stuck with a music player that won't play music.
With the cost of replacing electronic devices and of the ongoing $200 a month immunisation plan that is still going on - we decided to keep our holiday cheap and just go to Rio de Janeiro and Iguazu falls!!
We booked the holiday around one month ago and were amazed at how easy it was. An amazing website called Despegar.com was our route of booking and we would like you to remember that name as we will tell you now - NEVER USE IT!!! They confirmed our 5 day stay in Rio, they confirmed our flights to Rio and Iguazu and they confirmed our hotel in Iguazu. It was all simple and the emails were sent within the day. Wwe were sorted. Our stressful end to the term would all be worth it as now we were off to a place that we had only previously dreamed of going to. However, they then rang to ask for a deposit via telephone. Wierd, I thought, why would they want a deposit when I paid in full. I was at work and so said I would call back. I did call back and it took me 4 tries and 1 hour 30 to speak to anyone. They then said that they would call back in one hour. I waited, and waited and waited and nobody called back. Then, the next day everything was cancelled. So we tried again and this time went to their offices to pay.
'you cant pay at the offices, its an Internet company' we were told. So instead of taking our money in cash and in person - they sent us back to trying to pay by phone and then the next day they again cancelled all of our reservations.
By this time it was less than a week to go and so we booked our flights through a travel agent and then booked hotels through the ever reliable and decidedly non South American Expedia. So finally we were booked (it now cost A LOT more money but we were going and it was time for the holiday of a lifetime).
We would depart for Rio within 6 days and we would go to Iguazu falls and visit Argentina and Paraguay. All in all it would mean that Tilly The Traveller would have been in 6 countries within 4 months of her life!
Due to the Internet not working the full holiday undates will come in bit by bit but feel free to look at the Flickr photos in the meantime.
Chiao for now.

Saturday 19 June 2010

Tilly Pitt's New Adventures in Babysitting



Before I even start to pretend that anything else is on my mind, I have got to have a quick rant about England. Not the rugby team this time as we finally won - in spite of Johnson's inadequacies as a tactician and manager - they beat the Aussies and finally selected the awesome Ben Youngs at scrum half. No, I have to rant about the bloody footballers!!!!! How they can earn over £100,000 a week for not caring about their country, I have no idea. Its like they don't know I am out here being ridiculed by Peruvian kids for their uselessness, do they not care about me?I have to turn up to work and face a barrage of abuse from kids, I have to watch the matches in the common room with Peruvian staff laughing at me and the team and I have to walk around the streets with taxi drivers and street vendors laughing at the useless English team. They are turning the country into a place to be laughed at - but at least BP and British airways are doing their best to recify this!
Right rant over, oh apart from the fact that I had to miss most of the match yesterday as I was teaching. Now I know that I did not miss much but knowing that England are playing in the world cup and I am teaching 11 year old kids last lesson on a Friday (when they do not want to be there)is difficult. My frustration with watching the first 20 minutes was clearly taken out on the kids as my sharp response level went up to a ten. If I was doing this to miss the football, then they were going to work!!!
However, work the rest of the week was enjoyable. My S2 class (Justin Bieber and Fifi the invisible dog) finally seem to be getting ineterested in geography as well as random chit chat, my S3 class are working well and my P6 (year 7) class asked some impressive geography questions that meant I finally got to use my brain and have one of those lessons where you seem to navigate the whole of the wonderful world of geography in a 40 minute lesson. The highlight of the working week was going on yet another trip (I feel like I am out of school more than in it at the moment). This time the trip was to Macapaca or Packamacka or somewhere that sounded either like a character from In The Night Garden or a portable rain coat. I did find it funny that we were going on a trip to Packamaca and we would not need a rain coat as it is in the desert. It should be called, Don't Pack a macka (yes, I still tell awful jokes in my lessons and get even fewer laughs than I did at King Edwards). The best joke this week has been - what is the difference between Robert Green and Justin Bieber? ..... Justin Bieber knows how to drop his balls! But at least it is a British spillage that the Yanks are happy about!
The trip saw us go about 45 minutes from school and visit a site of Inca ruins. We carved Inca figures out of soap, we learnt how to make Quipu (ancient abacus), visited a racreated Ica settelment and drank Chica (fermented corn which has had its creation aided by adding saliva! nice!), got growled at by Peruvian hairless dogs and dug for ancient pottery in the sand. The day was not exactly full of learning for the kids but it was fun and gave you a good understanding of the life of the Incas. The digging for artifacts in the sand was at a location that looked perfect for an Indiana Jones film and was amazing how quickly you could find bits of pottery and plates from 700 years ago (although knowing this place, it is not beyond the possibility of the staff planting bits of pottery into the ground for the kids to find). The hairless dogs are a feature of the Peruvian urban and rural landscape and no matter how many times you see them. they never fail to shock you as to just how ugly a dog can be! The beautiful beagles that we see in the park outside our living room window just add to how ugly the bald dogs look, especially when they are seen in the packs that seem to control the night-time streets of Lima.
After the awfulness of the England match (last refernce I promise) it took me a while to get back to myself again but the thought of Clare and I getting to go out on our first date in almost 9 months was enough to lift me from my duldrums. We had booked a babysitter and at 6 oclock we met her at our house (now when I say 6, of course I mean 6 oclock Peruivan time, so more like 6:40). She was impressively late but had come recommended by teachers at the school so she got the benefit of the doubt. We gave her some quick instructions with Clare 'I am ok with this' Pitt, talking at ten to the dozen and hoping that the poor girl could actually understand everything that Clare 'I am clearly not ok with this' Pitt was telling her. The only thing that I am confident of is that Clare said very clearly and slowly that the babysitter would not have to feed Tilly and that we would be back by the time she needs her next feed. I then repeated the fact that Tilly would not need to be fed or changed (So even you readers should be clear of these insructions and also I can imagine that you know where this tale is heading). So mummy and daddy Pitt went out for a curry with friends from school and then went to a nice romantic pisco bar in Miraflores. Curry, alcohol and no pram - it all seemed strangely memorable, like we had done this sort of thing before. We had a vague memory of a life where this sort of thing happened quite regularly. It was lovely to have an evening to ourselves and we had a fantastic night but even with our slightly fuzzy heads from the pisco, we were both keen to get back to our beautiful daughter and make sure the babysitter was as good as the reviews seemed to suggest.
So we got in and there were feeding bottles in the sink and a changed nappy in the bin. Hmm, strange considering the insructions! Was everything Ok, we asked. Oh, yes was her reply. She woke up so I fed her and changed her. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! she had fed her, she had broken the routine, she had gone against the Gina Ford, baby Bible. We had had two weeks of sleep, we had Tilly more trained up that a North Korean footballer and she knew the drill. Now one night with a babysitter and we both saw our sleepless nights returning, we saw a crying Tilly Pitt at 3 and 4 and 5 in the morning coming back and we saw our settled evenings and 7 hours sleep per night being threatened by a babysitter. That night we put Tilly to bed both fearing the worst but the worst did not arise. Our little angel slept through, we woke at seven to feed her and she even went back to sleep after to allow us a lie in!
The day before had even been a day when Tilly had another of her bank busting immunisations. The prices still remain high despite promises that health care is cheap here. Cheap compared to what we keep thinking? Cheap compared to a Ferrari, cheap compared to a Rolex watch, cheap compared to a Tiffany ring but definitely not cheap when compared to free health care back in England! You would have to be an England footballer to find this cheap as they are paid so much to not even try - to walk around the pitch without a care in the world (last mention I promise). The clinica is called the Clinica of Good hope (bodes well), you want more than just hope, I want a trained doctor. Or maybe its just hope that it wont cost as much this time!
Anyway, the injection went well. Tilly was asleep and then woke with a start when the huge needle was inserted but half an hour of cuddling later and she was back to normal, sitting in front of the football (her favourite thing to do it seems) and watching Germany lose- always a good thing!

So that ends our adventures for another week and yet another exciting week in the land of the giant guniea pigs and humming birds (we saw one flying around the flower bed outside our living room window today). I think this week I may start doing what the kids here do and pretending I come from a different country. They all support any country that speaks Spanish as Peru did not qualify for the World Cup. Unfortunately if I follow the same rule it means supporting a team that speaks English and last time I checked Australa and New Zealand weren't exactly doing well in the cup either. Oh well, as their fans are probably also saying at least there is always rugby!

Adios

Saturday 12 June 2010

Andean adventures y La Copa Mondial



Tilly Pitt's fourth week in Peru has seen her witness the biggest build up to a world cup that I have ever known. The people her go mad for it (even though Peru were no where near qualifying!). The supermarkets are filled with world cup flags, posters, offers and games and the kids in school can only talk about the world cup and mainly how unfair it is that they cannot watch the football in lessons (I have to keep up the school policy even when every part of me would love to give in and put the football on!).
I was not going to write the blog today but after getting up at 5am to watch England versus Australia (in rugby rather than any football ((havent seen any of that yet as I have been at work!)) and whilst watching I have finally come to the conclusion that we are actually not very good. Johnson has not got a clue about how to coach rugby and we look like a bunch of headless chickens running around after some austarlian chickens that clearly have their heads securely and fully attached. I am therefore writing rather than getting very annoyed at the players and shouting obsecenities that would most likely wake up my wife, daughter and everyone else living within a two mile perimeter of the house (about 2 million people then!).
This week has not only been an odd one due to world cup madness but also because it has been patriot week. On Monday it has patriot day and the whole country honours the Peruvians that died in the great Chilean invasion of .... (dont know the year as the assembly was all in Spanish). It is a great idea to have such a patriotic day and the idea of honouring the dead and putting such an importance on the raising of the flag is something that only the BNP manage back at home but even with all the resonance and heartfelt sincerity being spoken by the speakers at school, I still found the whole experience highly surreal and a little bit hiralious. The entire school was standing on the filed watching the flag being raised and this flag raising was preceded by the school prefects pretending to be soldiers and standing to attention, they then raised the flag like the military and the raising was accompanied by the cheesiest music heard since I last turned off a Peruvian soap opera after the tears of laughter starting stinging my eyes and then (as always) it is folowed by the longest national anthem known to man. Now do not get me wrong, the national anthem is also one of the best I have ever heard. It is fun, it has an upbeat repetitive tune and lots of repeated words, but... it is very very long. And finally the best bit. Once the flag had been hoisted and the anthem finally sung, the Peruvian head (yes, there is a Peruvian Headmaster and a normal Headmaster (not that Peruvians are not normal I am just saying that there are two of them) shouted Viva La Peru! and every kid and memeber of staff then shouts "Viva!". It took me quite by suprise, the force, the ferocity and the Communism of it all.
Clare witnessed the same later in the week from our living room window. The local Patriot flag raising gathering was held in the park outside our house only this one was also host to armed soldiers, a huge flag, a big band and an even louder shouting of Viva!
The day after the flag raising assembly saw my second fieldtrip with Len. We went up to the start of The Andes in the middle of Peru (about a 2 hour drive from Lima) and what an eventful trip this was. The madness started within 10 minutes of starting off as we went to enter the main highway. The drive onto the highway was going slowly and we soon found out why. The slip road was being obstructed by a car driving the wrong way up it. This was the equivalent of the entry lane to the M5 and so this car had driven the wrong way down a motorway! And the funniest part was that when we drove past, I looked into the windows of the car and it was full with about seven family members of the driver and not one of them looked concerned, or worried or even like this was a strange or uncommon occurance for them. It was actually probably a much quicker way for them to get around as the other acriiageway was full of traffic, at least people get out of their way on this carriageway.
This country is filled with incredible landscapes and geography that whilst I understand the theory behind it, still seems incredible when witnessed in person. The geography today was shanty towns, huge mountains, massive landslides and the phenomenon of the weather getting clearler, less foggy and less cloudy as you drive to higher altitudes (The equivalent of driving up Snowdon and getting sunnier and warmer weather at the top rather than at the bottom -only we drove up to twice the height of Snowdon).
The mountains were impressive, the mountain villages were a mystery and again it was a trip that geographers and geography teachers in England could only dream of. The village of Mutacana where we ended up at is a geographical suicide village. It is in the path of two potentially catastophic landslides (Huaycos) or mudslides (Lloquias)and would be wiped out should one occur, oh and add to that the fact that this is a huge earthquake risk area!. The goverment do protect the areas but the people are not the target of these measures, only the railway and roads are really saved if a Huayco was to happen. The people would mainly be killed and this was made extra pertinent by just how amiable and nice these people were. Only walking into the village, we were met by kids coming out of playschool just to watch us walk past and wave to us "hola, gringo" was the main gist of their statements aimed at me. I was a celebrity for a day - the Blonde White man comes to town! In the village more kids came up to our group and when I went into a shop, I turned around to see that I had been followed in by 3 local kids who quikly ran off giggling when I said hello.
The impressiveness of the scenery and the combination of human and physical geography was not even spoilt by some of the kids answers; the idea of water moving uphill, the random guesses at geographical answers, the response of 'filtration' to any question asked. "Why do you keep saying the same word?" I asked "becasue it is usually the right answer" said one pupil, "I use vegetation as my random answer" said another - I give to you, The Elite Pupils of Peru!
I will sign off just as England somehow close to within 4 points of Australia - I have no idea how, I just know that the Aussies still don't know how to scrummage. And go off to settle into a weekend of sport (Rugby matches x 3, football matches x 6, grand prix x1, basketball NBA finals x 1 and baseball x 2). Te Amo ESPN!

Adios y vamos Inglaterra.

Monday 7 June 2010

Eggheads Peruvian style



Clare and Tilly Pitt's third week in Lima saw the family settle down into the reality of life in Peru. No exciting trips to deserts, no fun filled evenings with trips to Barranco. No, week three saw us settling down in front of the TV at night and had Tilly waiting for dad to get home from work (or rather Clare doing all the baby stuff by the time dad got back from work or meetings or just generally marking).
The week did see some excriment, sorry I mean excitement, for Clare who somehow managed to get projectile poo on her face and in her hair! She had Tily in nappy changing position, laid back with legs in the air, only for Tilly to brew a big wet fart that flung a light brown/green fecal matter into her mother's face! Disgusting but very funny once Clare had smeered the mess from around her mouth.
The evenings have seen us watching more films than any other people in the world but when a copied DVD from the local DVD man costs only 4 soles (about £1) and the picture quality is perfect, there seems no reason to not get all the recent cinematic blockbusters to fill our evening viewing slots. It is either that or some awful US series on the WB channel or listening to awful music on MTV (Justin Bieber seems a favourite over here). I have just about managed to avoid Beiber Fever as it is called even though certain girls that I teach are obsessed with the floppy haired, girlie voiced, pre-pubesent singer. Although the fact that he has made it into the blog may actually show that I am coming down with the first symptoms of Bieber Fever!
The murder in Lima has been somewhat of an exciting addition to life in Miraflores (It has been covered by CNN but I do not know if the news made it over to Blighty ((or anyone else at KES for that matter!)). A US tourist (although they now seem very keen to state his Dutch origins) used a baseball bat to brutally murder a Peruvian lady in a local casino. The story has been all over the news and it was only today that I discovered that the casino and hotel in question is directly opposite Markham College. The Murder Casino is now a new destination on the tourist route of Miraflores and was also first on the list of places the S3 kids wanted to go to on their Miraflores investigation trip. This trip also saw the pupils approached by a wierdo that had them terrified until one of the girl seemed to belatedly realise that the man was not a wierdo and was in fact her Uncle! and saw us witness a motorcycle crash as well as featuring some actual geography on the trip out of school.
The trip was given a more surreal feel by the fact that I had knocked myself out the previous morning by walking into a wall in our house. The attractive arches that decorate the walls are also a deathrap for clumsy oafs to walk into and then slowly stagger about before collapsing into a heap on the floor. I can only assume that it must have looked painful as Clare came running over looking very concerned rather than laughing at me for being an idiot! I do however aknowledge the idioticness (yes I know it is not a word but this is my blog and so I can use whatever words I see fit) of walking into a wall. If it had been Clare claiming that she had walked into a wall I am sure that the police would have wanted to have words with me (although I do not think the Peruvian police really care about much really). My forehead now has a certain C.J.ness to it (no I dont look like the biggest pillock on TV, but I do look like a bit of an Egghead with the lump seeming to grow by the second like some sort of Tom and Jerry cartoon effect).
The rest of the week sees me on another fieldtrip with Len the geography Legend on Thursday and probably a few more DVDs whilst the Pitt family sit on the sofa.

My final comment of this post must be to mention the sad news of Old Joe's passing. The Old Father Time of the Reeve Kennels was sadly put to sleep today and so our thoughts are with John and Denise, especially John who has always had a special bond with Joe and I know will sorely miss one of his best friends. Rest in Peace Joseph.

Adios

Monday 31 May 2010

Tilly Pitt and The Dune Buggy Adventure


"I've just seen a Peruvian man's willy!" If I heard Clare say those words once, I heard her say it at least 10 times. Now, this was not some wierd swinging weekend away, it was the fact that the men as we went south from Lima seem increasingly happy to just wap it out wee in the middle of the road. They have no embarassment and do not care who is watching, after a while I even joined in "willy watch" (coming to a BBC early eveing TV slot soon!).
After willy watch unfortunatley came poverty watch as the divide between the rich and the poor in Peru became increasingly apparent. The journey started in Miraflores (land of the rich) but as we headed onto the PanAmericana road, the rich are quickly left behind and the average Peruvian is seen with shocking regularity. We saw people washing their clothes in streams, children covered in dirt walking to their hut of a house and thousand upon thousands more of those hut 'shanty' homes. It is impossible for a western mind to imagine living in these conditions and the voyeuristic creature lying within us all very quickly springs to the surface as we pass a world unknown, unseen and often hidden from us for most of our lives. I have taught this geography for years but seeing it in such vast numbers is still hard to witness and impossible to actually describe.
The journey we were taking was to carry out a geography 'reccy' for a new fieldtrip. The IB have changed their syllabus and so there is no more ecosystem studies and therefore no more Tambopata, those Capucine monkeys will not be seen again for some time! The new destination will be the desert settlements of Ica and Huacachina (still a vast difference from the Land that Time Forgot that is Morecambe Lancashire).
As you approach Ica, the fields become more fertile as desert farming dominates the landscape and then civilisation again surfaces as you hit Ica. The hotel was called Belle Sands and although very average looking from the outside, the place itself is beautiful and will be a luxury stay for the kids when they come here in August. Our stay was only slightly marred by the fact that the Ica football team were also staying there. A strange bunch who seem to have John Terry as a role model judging by the fact that they were oggling Clare en mass even though I was holding here hand and she was carrying Tilly at the time.
We wnet from the elite professional sportsperson hotel to the oasis resort of Huacachina. Here, we hired two guides to take us on a dune buggy tour. Now anyone from social services may want to stop reading now as we also took Miss Tilly on the dune buggy. We asked that the driver went very very slow but still the looks we got from Peruvians as we drove off in the buggy made us feel like we had just won worse parents in the world award 2010! (Mrs Matthews was not nominated this year). The Peruvian idea of parenting is however very different to ours. Why change your child or give her food if another option is to wrap them in even more layers of clothing and blankets!!!
We drove around the dunes for about half an hour and I was not prepared for the spactacle that we saw. The dunes come very close to Iguazu falls for the most impressive geographical features that I have ever seen. The photos look impressive but they do not do these 200metre high piles of sand justice. They really are breathtaking! and any waorries about Tilly were quickly banished after our first stop when rather than being terrified of the bumpy ride or crying, she had instead fallen fast asleep in the carrier strapped to my chest.
The second stop then saw the drivers go to the back of the buggy and bring out wooden snow boards that they handed to us. The 45 degree slope was suddenly no longer a geographical feature - oh no! - it was now a challenge to be sand boarded down.
"lie on your front and use your feet as brakes" the driver recommended. I may have forgotten to use my feet as brakes and so one bruised hand, sandy pants and broken camera later, I found myself at the bottom of the dune.
The guide clearly gave a sigh of relief when he realised that I not was going to sandboard with Tily on my chest. Although judging by her sleeping during the buggy ride, I think she may have enjoyed it!
The buggy then toured us around the biggest dune in the dune field, to another natural oasis and then to the edge of the dune above the main oasis where we took photos with the camera that still worked.
We then sat at the edge of the oasis having pisco sours until it was time to return up the PanAmericana and back from teh glorious desert sunshine to the cloud and fog of Lima. Just another day in the extraordinary life of Tily Pitt.


p.s. I have found a way to locate all the Flickr photos of our travels onto a map. Just go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonnypitt456/map?&fLat=-13.5071&fLon=-73.1469&zl=12&order_by=recent to see the map and understand a bit more about where we are and what we have been doing.

Adios

Saturday 22 May 2010

Mrs Pitt Signing In.........



This will probably be the only time I will write on the blog as there is no way I could ever possibly compete with the 'Thomas Hardy' of Lima! Well where to start on our first week in Lima.
Tilly was amazing on the flight, I was prepared for hell and I was armed with my pack of pacifiers (dummies!) but she was an angel. This could not be said about the poor peruvian baby next to us who cried the entire 12 hours but maybe the ten blankets, hat, gloves and the fact he couldnt breath from being smothered by his mother didnt actually help.
Day one and we jumped in a taxi with Tilly strapped to Jon's front, the taxi driver as he asked us to pay upfront this is unusual behaviour(we are talking 5 soles which is roughly £1.25) after giving him 3 of the 5, he shook his head and claimed it was all 'falso', he asked to see more money 'falso tambien' and by means of offering a solution he very 'kindly' offered to take us to the bank.....I dont think so!well we didnt last long in the taxi as Jon started shouting 'dimembarko' and we found ourselves back on the street and away from the dodgy driver.
Jon tactically kept certain things quiet before our arrival.... I am a great believer in if you have a baby noone actually wants to hear about how many times he/she poos, what colour it is etc etc the fact is everyone i have met so far will inevitably at some point talk about their own toilet habits and their motions, simply because the amount you become ill in Lima is clearly more than anywhere else in the world. When you greet people with the puruvian one cheek kiss you then talk about your bowel movements, put it this way I am dreading when that time comes!
Crossing the roads........Jon never mentioned you take your life in your hands when you cross the road in Lima literally 'Frogger' eat your heart out (For Those of you too young to understand what frogger is - a 1980's amstrad game where a frog tries to cross the road without getting killed!) I have been shouted at numerous times because Tilly has only one blanket wrapped aroung her (as its 30 degrees!!) by not only numerous old ladies but even an 11 year old begga who told me off for Tilly not wearing a hat (this was in the Brazilian bar drinking the 2 for 1 cocktails like responsible parents that we are!) Tilly is also seen as being a freak here; she is a Gulliver like giant in the land of the Munchkins, the fact she can hold her head, smile and is now gurgling at just over 2 months....?dos mesas no no quatro mesas? the peruvians try to insist......
(Editor back again) Having Clare and Tilly here has made me feel like a tour guide through this mad city. Leading them through the life or death guidlines of how to cross the street, which roads to avoid, when to say 'si' and when to say 'no gracias' at the checkout for shopping and trying to combine all the high points of Miraflores, Surco and Barranco into the first week. I had the nervewracking job or trying to sort out injections (many thanks to Mrs Reeves ((with an 's')) for helping Clare with the job of a 6-in-1 jab! and taking her to the most religious clinic in the whole world (large Jesus statues peer down on you as you sit in the clinic and I have also been told that in the operating theatres they have paintings of Jesus guiding the hand of the Surgeons ((I pray they have also had some kind of training too)).
Then taking them to Barranco to try out the wierd and wonderful world of Peruvian food - Lomo Saltado is salted meat with Sweet potatoes and a red onion sauce, it has to be tasted to fully understand just how tasty this is. Also Cevice, which is raw fish dresssed in a lime and red onion sauce (again a Taste Sensation!). Barranco also enabled Clare and Tilly to see their first humming bird and for Clare to stare up at the sky as about 8 vultures circled overhead.
Today was health check day at work. You turn up and then wait in queues with other teachers as step-by-step you are taken through a health production line. Blood test, check. Height measurement, check. Weight, check. Eye test, check. Chest X-ray, check and general MOT overview, check. Everybody seemed amazed that it was all offered free as the Private health clinics pilled advert after advert into your hands for laser surgery, illness insurance plans and (most surreal of all) a man dressed as a giant tooth handed out balloons and dental insurance plans (free indeed!!!!. Anywho - back to today's guest editor.

Anyway I am missing a brilliant game of rugby ( Toulouse V Biarritz, vivo en ESPN mas) so to sum up: the house is amazing ( the boy did very good), the people are kind, the food is great if a little crazy at times and The Pitts are settling well into our life in Lima.
P.s I am now officially a lady that lunches...........

chiao

Thursday 13 May 2010

Jungle Boogie Capuchin monkey style!




The week has finally arived. The Pitt family are re-united and Life in Peru (the name of the blog) can finally actually start. However, before we get into that, there is the small detail of Tambopata to talk about. Tambopata, for those of you not in the know, is the Peruvian rainforest about 2 hours flight East of Lima.
The flight was an early one and so after moaning about teachers' moaning in the last blog, I have to admit that getting up at 4 o'clock on the first day of holiday did magically transform me into one of those moaning teachers. This moaning did quickly fade once I glanced at the magnifiscent mountain scenery over Cusco and faded into obscurity once I was gazing over the meandering Tombopata river as we approached landing.
The airport we landed in was little more than a glorified shed. For those of you that have had the pleasure of visiting the late, great Coventry airport - this made Coventry look like Heathrow and JFK combined! we were met by our guide for the week (Carolina) and we were quickly transferred to a bus and driven down dirt roads lined with the poorest Peruvian people I had seen since my arrival. I was again in real Peru and what a breathtaking experience it is.
The bus was followed by a boat trip down the river that we had spied from the plane. We passed farmers in their boats, people seiving gold in the river, people using long sticks to push their boats along, children in tattered clothes staring at the rich people travelling past with ipods on, cameras out and a whole world that has been taken forgranted. It was also made very clear that this river was the only way to reach our destination. Even the town we had landed in only had one dirt road connecting it to Cusco and that would take 12 hours. We were in total isolation and any thoughts of British risk assessments were rapidly cast aside knowing that this trip is more important than that for the pupils. This is about being remote, not being in the pampered, protected world of Miraflores but in the absolute wilderness with killer snakes, killer spiders and killer diseases. I was finally fully immune from these diseases but only after a visit to a perverted nurse (push your sleeve higher - no higher - no higher - oh actually can you take your shirt off please!). But thankfully I had recovered from this sexual exploitation by the time I was on the boat down the river. The kids however, were not so re-assured by their injections and insect spray. One particular pupil was terrified after watching an episode of House where a person died of a strange mosquito induced disease and thanks to the glory of Wikipedia he has also researched into this more and found that the disease was indeed to be found in the Peruvian rainforest. After much calming words or rather taking the mick out of somebody basing their medical knowledge on House, we managed to get him onto the boat to go to our first destination - Posada.
The whole area is managed by a group called Rainforest. They are a preservation and travel company that offer Eco-tourist trips and help to sustain the local community and protect the rainforest. There is only electricity for 4 hours a day in their lodges, there is no hot water and you can only use bio-degradable shampoo and soap. The showers are therefore cold- freezing cold- and the soap feels like it has been made from the floor sweepings of a branch of Lush. However that was not the worst part of the showers; the worst part was that there was no lock on the door (thank you Mr German man for walking in on me ((and it was a very cold shower by the way)) and also the wooden wall at the back had large gaps in it that faced onto the girl's rooms. This meant tactically timed showers before the kids were awake (I hope anyway).
The activities were also eco-tourist based and were hugely impressive. We walked up a canopy tower to view over the rainforest and the soaring vultures, went on a night walk to see Aligators, tree frogs and tarantulas, went to a clay lick (Culpa) and saw hunders of Makaws arriving to feed (another 4am start for that one) and we went on a boat trip to see Giant otters. This trip was yet again a 4am start but also ending in no giant otters beind seen (maybe thats because Otters are too sensible to get up at 4 in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!). I did however endanger the Piranha population of Peru. We were given the chance to fish in the river as long as we returned the fish to the ox-bow lake. I fished away and after about 5 minutes I had a bite. I wrestled with the 5cm long beast and managed to get the piranha out of the water only for the little bugger to fly off the hook and slide across the boat and down a gap in the floor. Never mind, I thought, he will just have plopped back in the water.
I have got to go and mark and wash some clothes and baby bed sheets. I will finish this post tomorrow.
..... continued........
the next stage of the journey into The Heart of Darkness saw us have to travel 6 hours by boat via 2 checkpoints and to TRC (Tombopata, Research Centre). 7 of the pupils had already been staying there for a week on Biology trip and thanks to the extreme discipline of their stay, they were wild, loud, excitable and blue!!! On leaving school, we had be warned about the infamous Huito fruit. It is an inocuous looking fruit that when mixed with pure alcohol (in a bowl not via ingestion) turns your skin blue once applied. We had been asked not to let the kids use it on their skin but the Biology group clearly had and it looked as though we had entered the set of Avatar 2. The look of shock on some of the tourists faces as they disembarked from the boat and came face to face with the Markham Savages was hilarious.
Thankfully the savage period lasted for only an hour and the Biology group quickly transformed into mild and gentile Geographers within no time (however, Mr House was slowly turning into an extra from Lord of The Flies as the worry of killer insects and killer spiders became slowly more and more a reality).
The first killer spider that we saw was on a web about 50 metres from the lodge. It was pointed out by the guide who then started poking the web and asking the kids to come closer for photos. I can clearly remember the words "more poisonous that the black widow" and "yes we have the anti-body, but that just buys you time" being uttered by the guide. Buys you time, I thought, how does buys you time help when we are 8 hours by boat from the nearest twon and from the look of it, that town is not exactly the sort of place that top medics would be choosing to stay. Although who knows, maybe top doctors like living in shacks, riding in rickshaws and going to the impressivley named 'sexy car wash'.
The kids also told me that they had saved one of the teachers from death last week as he took them on a midnight hunt for mini-alligators. They were wading through a swamp in the pitch black when one of them spotted moevement in the water, turned their torch to see what it was and discovered the most poisonous snake in the Peruvian rainforest. The snake was heading towards the teacher and if the kid had not have spotted it, said teacher could have been "buying time" and hoping the 8 hours and shoddy hospital saves him!
Then came the actual work. After a couple of days of travelling and looking at the nice wildlife, it was time to actually study the rainforest and the kids excelled. Having to hack a transect through the actual rainforest was very different although I couldn't help thinking that the machete may have been more useful on the transects we did in Morecambe and Middlesbrough!
got to go again - its a tough life this being a dad thing! The jungle adventure continues soon! with the capuchin monkey comment explained along with much more....
The transect study was completed in a separate part of the rainforest located next to a very impressive beach that had been made by the river deposits. The view of the sun setting as we sat on the beach was breathtaking and was so beautiful that all the kids could think about was "MUDFIGHT!". One hour later the kids were no longer blue, they were now head to toe in brown mud and every last one of them had a huge smile on their face. They came to the rainforest to see amazing wildlife, incredible animals and have a once in a lifetime experience but almost half of them put 'mudfight' down as their favourite activity in the lodge survey. Kids will be kids whether they are in Birmingham, Bogota or one hour from Bolivia.
Now to explain the capuchin monkey comment. I was walking along with my group in the jungle when fruit started to fall from the trees around us. Looking up, we saw a troop of 7 monkeys looking down at us from the canopy layer. The boys started giggling and said "at least its not capuchin monkeys sir. We are safe for a while". I ignored the comment and we walked on. About 10 minutes later we heard more monkeys and this time, they were capuchin monkeys. "Watch out sir!" "Don't drop the soap". I had to know more. The story of the capuchin monkey is a strange but apparently true one. The capuchin monkey is a strong monkey that can easily grab fruit from trees but the Squirrel monkey is much weaker and so has to rely on picking up leftovers from other monkeys. They are therefore known to follow the capuchin monkeys around picking up bits and pieces oif fruit - so far so good. Unfortunately, if the squirrel monkey gets too close to the capuchin then it will grab it, beat it and in extreme cases....... rape it! The capuchin monkey has been seen sexually atacking smaller monkeys and it does not matter whether they are male of female, the capuchin is not a picky beast. So there you have it, the unpleasnant story of the capuchin monkey and the reason why the week was scattered with capuchin monkey jokes and comments - again kids will be kids whether they are in blah blah blah!
The final day saw us transferred to Refugio Amazona and back up towards the airport. This location was picturesque and looks a lot more like an exclusive hotel than the other two locations. The place had an impressive restaurant, massage room, bike hire centre and hammocks hung from the beautiufl rafters upstairs. It was packed with tourists but by this time the Markham Savages were tame and they sat an played chess from the hammocks as the sun set, with barely an inch of blue left on their tired looking faces. By half 9 as the electicity cut out for the last time, the kids had already taken themselves off to bed and were asleep ready for their boat trip and flight home the next day. No need for teacher patrols, no need to tell kids off, just a very pleasant group of kids shattered after a very tiring week in the jungle.
Thankfully there are no volcanoes spewing ash along the way back and so our flight was on time and everyone arrived safely; even Mr House had managed not to get biten by any killer bugs and thankfully none of the other passengers understood the capuchin monkey jokes being stated in the queue for bags.

A evry exciting week which is currently being followed by another very exciting week in Lima as Clare and Tilly arrive in the Peruvian capital to experience in reality what I have just been waffling on about in this blog for the past 3 months.

Thursday 6 May 2010

Fifi The Imaginary Dog


One week to go!!!!!! and only one day to go at school and I am just about keeping awake in class at the end of this 10 week term. The Peruvian staff don't seem to know any different but like a true British teacher, I have been having a good moan about how long this term is (without a half term!). It is not true that all teachers moan but it does seem to be true that all British teachers moan. We are like a rare group of people who do know know when we have a good thing going for us. Even when teachers are in Peru, living a life they could not afford in the UK, in an exciting country and earning noticably more than they would in England (and with a 10 week summer holiday!!), they still moan better than teachers from any other country! (well apart from certain Ozzies).
The kids are also great here. They are fun, relaxed and know how to work hard. In my S2 class (year 9 / Upper Middles), the pupils are hard working, good at geography and are even kind enough to read this blog!!!!
In this class, one of the boys had not got his homework with him and so chose to use the classic "my dog ate the homework" as an excuse. Obviously I went along with this and kept asking about his dog, whether his dof eats any other paper substances, whether he could bring his book to school to eat some of the out of date geography textbooks etc.
Eventually it turned out that the boy in question did not even have a dog and that his dog was a figment of his imagination. Cue, much mickey taking and the development of his dog being in the class room, being taken for walks around the school and being Christened 'Fifi'. Fifi is now the official Geography Dog, when pupils trun up at the door, we have to calm Fifi down, we let her sleep in the corner and she is now a permamaent member of the S2 classroom.
Last lesson with the S2s, I agreed that if they worked well, then I would let them watch a video on YouTube. The problem was that the video chosen was called 'goat giving birth'. How loveley, a nice nature film. Apparently not, as the slow motion and close up nature of the video make it somewhat disturbing to watch and the jokey soundtrack filled with Goat giving birth chorus clearly shows that these people know just how horrible this video is! Mother nature works in starnge ways - as do people that post things on the Internet.

My final rant is about my cleaner. I have not seen him this week and I can guess why he is hiding away. "Hola, mister!" is his cheerful catchphrase but he will not be so cheerful when I next catch him. The current trend around Markham is for the stickers to fill the new Panini World Cup sticker album. The kids are going mad for it, they are turning up early for school to do 'swaps' and they have even poroduced tables showing which ones they still need (some have been done on excel with colour coding to show need, whether it is shiny and which country it belongs to). But some of the kids had been kind enough to ignore the prices that these stickers are going for on the black market and were handing me stickers from the England team. I was building up quite a collection, I had them organised in 4-1-3-2 formation, with Gareth Barry playing deep and Heskey supporting Rooney in attack. I had the England flag and an arrow linking the flag to the World Cup sticker (I had big money offers for that sticker!).
However, on Monday Mr "Hola Mister" thought it was a good idea to clear the stickers from my board and throw them in the bin! My collection that I had to beg hard to get, my collection which was sure to act as a lucky charm as England head to South Africa. How will they focus now that they have been ripped from my board, how will they know that they have to win the cup without the arrow I had drawn in red pen? Mr"Hola Mister" has a lot to answer for and when England are slowly trundling off the pitch after losing to Germany on penalties in the first knock out stage, just remember that it is all Mr"Hola misters" fault! He could have been employed as the man to polish the trophy, he could have used his plumero (Peruvian duster) and Don Limpio to make that trophy gleam - but not any more!

The collection has started again but lets hope, for the sake of the whole country, that it is not too late!

Adios y vamos Inglaterra!